March 19
The day started off with cycling to work as just a commute. Quite nice just riding without a specific goal attached to it. After work, I had a Tri Club meeting before meeting the girls at the pool.
With bills needing to be paid, the stress level is going up. But unlike previously, the massive anxiety I used to have when I have been in this position in the past, it is definitely less than it used to be. I used to not be able to really interact with people close tome properly, at work I was usually ok, but I would look for spots of quiet places to avoid everyone for a few minutes. Away from work, the smallest criticism or disagreement would really cause me to blow my lid. Don't get me wrong, I do still worry, but it isn't all consuming of my energy.
Knowing I won't blow my temper so easily is definitely a relief. I don't know if anyone has experienced living being afraid of themselves being in fear of what you might say or react to those closest to you. It is not nice. I still ask why I was never man enough to get help, proper help, a lot earlier. I wish I had learnt a lot of these lessons in my twenties. My life would have been very different.
With bills needing to be paid, the stress level is going up. But unlike previously, the massive anxiety I used to have when I have been in this position in the past, it is definitely less than it used to be. I used to not be able to really interact with people close tome properly, at work I was usually ok, but I would look for spots of quiet places to avoid everyone for a few minutes. Away from work, the smallest criticism or disagreement would really cause me to blow my lid. Don't get me wrong, I do still worry, but it isn't all consuming of my energy.
Knowing I won't blow my temper so easily is definitely a relief. I don't know if anyone has experienced living being afraid of themselves being in fear of what you might say or react to those closest to you. It is not nice. I still ask why I was never man enough to get help, proper help, a lot earlier. I wish I had learnt a lot of these lessons in my twenties. My life would have been very different.
March 20
Tuesday was not great as far as the weather goes so we moved training for tonight so we could be indoors. Work was a bit on the quiet side, but go through a bit and on top of what I needed to just before my 2 days off.
We had a decent sized group at squad considering we moved training. We covered some of the necessary information for Secondary School Champs next week before we sent them out for a run, then into the pool. The Wellington Secondary Triathlon Champs tomorrow has been again cancelled. I doubt now it will be rescheduled. Just as well our kids have been building for next week and not really for tomorrow.
I'm starting to worry about the bruising on my lower leg as it has drifted down my leg and is around my ankle. It doesn't hurt but it looks bad, and I know the blood flow is not that great for healing in that region so I need to let it heal properly before I start training again.
March 21
Wednesday is a crap outside and definitely cancelling the race today was the right call for the kids. I spent most of the day chilling out working on my NHL Career on the PS3 and doing running around town doing jobs then went to the Wellington Region Aquatic Centre to watch Alex's school swimming sports. Pity the school athletic administration department is so full of favouritism (corrupt dictatorship by ignorant wannabes on a power trip) [I wonder if that was a little harsh? - nah, they are that useless]
Jane is getting a little grouchy, so I she must be getting sick again. Poor thing, it also means I need to more patient with Jane than I normally am, which is always a test for me.
March 22
The second of 2 days off of work. The bruising on my leg means I am not putting it under too much stress as I really want to work on my running. I still have my fingers crossed for selection to race in Auckland and hopefully get the good news next week.
I have been a little grouchy the last couple of days. I think it's a combination of not taking my medication at a regular time of the day, Jane being sick and me not being patient enough with her, and money issues. I know I have homework to get done before my next psychiatrist appointment next week too. Why am I procrastinating so much?
Time to get back on track and do things to a structure.
With high southerly winds out there today, we moved training for the kids to Jane's classroom and covered some really good topics.
March 23
Friday, back to work for another 4 days before my next day off. The weather was really grumpy so I got the car to take to work. Jane has a school thing on tonight, so just 2 of us at home tonight for a few hours.
I do need to get to sleep earlier so I can get up earlier. I do fall into some bad habits when I take a break from training, and I do know better but it is always my Achilles heal.
March 24
Today the weather was rubbish and even worse overnight. A lot of the triathletes racing tomorrow are really worried about the conditions, but I use www.accuweather.com and and I have faith in it. So some bets for the outcome are down.
We had a decent day at work, busy enough so the work day went fairly quickly. After work I met the girls at "The Roxy" to watch "The Hunger Games". Very very good movie, and visually very nice. I think I'll be reading those books sometime soon.
Now as far as my mindset, and mood, I think I am settling down with taking my medication at regular times each day again. I wonder if taking one in the morning then the next the following evening is a little counter productive in keeping an even balance of what the meds are supposed to do.
March 25 (Last Scorching Bay Tri/Club Champs)
Tuesday was not great as far as the weather goes so we moved training for tonight so we could be indoors. Work was a bit on the quiet side, but go through a bit and on top of what I needed to just before my 2 days off.
We had a decent sized group at squad considering we moved training. We covered some of the necessary information for Secondary School Champs next week before we sent them out for a run, then into the pool. The Wellington Secondary Triathlon Champs tomorrow has been again cancelled. I doubt now it will be rescheduled. Just as well our kids have been building for next week and not really for tomorrow.
I'm starting to worry about the bruising on my lower leg as it has drifted down my leg and is around my ankle. It doesn't hurt but it looks bad, and I know the blood flow is not that great for healing in that region so I need to let it heal properly before I start training again.
March 21
Wednesday is a crap outside and definitely cancelling the race today was the right call for the kids. I spent most of the day chilling out working on my NHL Career on the PS3 and doing running around town doing jobs then went to the Wellington Region Aquatic Centre to watch Alex's school swimming sports. Pity the school athletic administration department is so full of favouritism (corrupt dictatorship by ignorant wannabes on a power trip) [I wonder if that was a little harsh? - nah, they are that useless]
Jane is getting a little grouchy, so I she must be getting sick again. Poor thing, it also means I need to more patient with Jane than I normally am, which is always a test for me.
March 22
The second of 2 days off of work. The bruising on my leg means I am not putting it under too much stress as I really want to work on my running. I still have my fingers crossed for selection to race in Auckland and hopefully get the good news next week.
I have been a little grouchy the last couple of days. I think it's a combination of not taking my medication at a regular time of the day, Jane being sick and me not being patient enough with her, and money issues. I know I have homework to get done before my next psychiatrist appointment next week too. Why am I procrastinating so much?
Time to get back on track and do things to a structure.
With high southerly winds out there today, we moved training for the kids to Jane's classroom and covered some really good topics.
March 23
Friday, back to work for another 4 days before my next day off. The weather was really grumpy so I got the car to take to work. Jane has a school thing on tonight, so just 2 of us at home tonight for a few hours.
I do need to get to sleep earlier so I can get up earlier. I do fall into some bad habits when I take a break from training, and I do know better but it is always my Achilles heal.
March 24
Today the weather was rubbish and even worse overnight. A lot of the triathletes racing tomorrow are really worried about the conditions, but I use www.accuweather.com and and I have faith in it. So some bets for the outcome are down.
We had a decent day at work, busy enough so the work day went fairly quickly. After work I met the girls at "The Roxy" to watch "The Hunger Games". Very very good movie, and visually very nice. I think I'll be reading those books sometime soon.
Now as far as my mindset, and mood, I think I am settling down with taking my medication at regular times each day again. I wonder if taking one in the morning then the next the following evening is a little counter productive in keeping an even balance of what the meds are supposed to do.
March 25 (Last Scorching Bay Tri/Club Champs)
Today there was the last triathlon of the season until September. I decided quite a few days ago not to do the race and use the time to heal. The weather turned out great in compared to the last few days, a little windy but it was a really good day out there and took great pleasure in saying "I told you so" to those doubters.
Jane and Alex both did the 1500m Swim (more like 1700m today with a floating marker buoy) and took it easy after that. I couldn't hang around long after they took off on the bike as I had to go to work, but always proud of what they both manage to achieve.
Work was very slow and then it did go by fairly quickly in the afternoon, so not too bad. Today I haven't really got anything else to say as nothing has upset me, nothing has irritated me at all. Today has been a very good day as far as being a diagnosed sufferer of depression goes. I know I that when things were bad, days like this just couldn't be within my reality.
Today is a really good day.
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