I didn't get up on time as I once again did not get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I need to rectify that laziness so I can get more focussed and get my schedule on track.
Work was fun, with our sale seeming to go really well, promoting properly can really work and it has me thinking on our coaching. Do I take it a lot more seriously with the plan on moving away from full time work, risking financial stability and finally doing something I really have began to really love to do.
I have never reached a pinnacle of success in my life as I probably have never pushed beyond the realms of mediocrity to be "all I can be". I guess success scares my more than failure. Failing is much easier, and mediocrity is even easier. I have to change this, not just for myself, but for everyone in my life. I have to make that conscious effort and small steps towards a professional goal.
The other day I was challenged about my time at St Patrick's College, Silverstream. I put on Facebook that I didn't really enjoy my time there. For the last 20 odd years, I have not looked back too fondly on my school years, only ever seeing my slide down the slope to averageness. Why can't I see the good things and times that I did have there. Why is it so full of regret and negativity? Is my depression so old and deep set that I have set a president for my life way back when I was 15 or 16? It was easier to give up when I got knocked back instead of working harder to surpass the competition and fight my way to the top, where I couldn't just skate by on talent and intelligence alone.
Living with a teacher in today's world, I can look back in retrospect about how and where my schooling and school was insufficient for a really good student slipped away into the abyss. I guess as I sit here typing, I have probably always resented the school for allowing my decline, easily blaming my failings on the systems the school did not have. I see how the girls at Jane's school look up to her, and she is so great, she inspires them to work for her. Not just work, but excel for her as she mentors them to greatness. That is what was lacking in my life at the most critical point. No mentor at school, no mentor at home, my failings over looked by the destructive decisions my younger brother made, and everyone worked hard to bring him to a place where he could succeed. Good for him. He righted his ship with help. I somehow was lost by the adults in my world as my ship was slowly drifting off course, not veering for the rocks.
I didn't get the help when it was most needed and yet I still blame everyone else instead of myself. Always my failings I have projected onto others whereas I need to put my hand up and take responsibility for my short comings. Take charge and turn the corner to forgive the holes in my past, put to bed the demons of my past. I cannot blame the failing of others for my own failings.
Now how do I put right my education failings? What things do I need to do to become a success? What is it I really want to achieve in my life now? What do I want to be successful at and be remembered for when my time is done on this planet? What do I want to be my legacy?
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