2013 so far

Well seems the first attempt of this post failed. I cannot remember much of what I wrote the first go a week ago so I will have to write whatever pops out.

What happened throughout the first part of 2013? The first 5 months have been fairly blah. My moods have swung from high to very low. I have been difficult to live with and health has not been bad, just great. I haven't been sick, and I have really struggled with motivation and focus which spirals my depression down and down. The vicious cycle of not exercising, worrying about not exercising, being not motivated to not exercise because I'm depressed just compounds everything more.

It hasn't been a disastrous year by any stretch, just blah.... My relationships with family has been defensive at best. I know things are not easy for everyone, but that isn't my problem. But should they?

I know I need to remember those that I want attention from, have their own limitations to what they can manage, but during those times, I struggle to grasp that thought. How do I learn to forgive, forget or move past the hurt I felt/feel that the people I grew up with and care deeply about, and keep them in my life. How do I bring them back into my life.

One thing I do know, my family was never good at talking/sharing our feelings with each other. That skill was never passed to me, but was it ever passed onto my parents so they could teach their children? So has that been my limiter? Can I be better?

So many questions. Do I just ask or do I do something? I hope I can do a better job.