So I need to go back on the pills as I completely lost it tonight. Started destroying things by kicking them. 2nd PS3 controller and 3rd bike helmet to meet it's demise by my foot. Not a great night by any stretch. The rest of the day had been pretty good though so it's a real shame that I am incomplete especially when I get confronted and defensive.
Why do I lose it when I don't feel that my feelings are not shared. I know my role model was not great emotionally and I haven't learned how to detach my emotions from blinding my rational thought process.
Sometimes I think my emotional retardness is directly linked to when I believe I started showing signs of depression as a teenager, and my physical development. From what I have learnt about depression, medical practitioners are extremely reluctant to treat the growing brain with drugs or chemicals. This is probably why I feel I have emotional short comings.
Not much I can do about my past, only my future. Time to make another appointment with my psychiatrist and to make sure I restart my meds. Let's keep moving forward.
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