Ironman Prep Day 30 Nov 14

Started this morning with a sleep in. Bed is so nice in the mornings. Alex has her exam, and Jane was feeling sore from the race so we stayed at home. I'll try and get something in tonight, but I have a product release for work and the Tri Club meeting, so we'll see.

I'm beginning to run a bit low on my pills. I will have to book an appointment to see the doc shortly. I think I'm less irritated by doubling the dosage but still not the same as the first pills. I wonder just what it is about me that I can't process better and I need help to some of the things other find normal. Does this stem from genetics or "monkey see, monkey do" behaviours? I know there is depression in my family that has never been dealt with. Now when did I actually start showing signs of it?

Looking back at my past, I would have to say, probably it would have been around the age 1988-89 when I was 15 or 16. Before that I was a really good student, received academic awards and generally got good marks and stayed out of trouble. By the mid way point of my 3rd year at college (High School) my discipline wavered, my focus and drive to do good work seemed to dissipate. I lost any desire to be involved in school sports and would rather play golf. I wonder if all this coincides with involvement or interest in what I was doing from may parents. I'm not blaming them. All I know is that I think I got unnoticed by both the school and my family when things started deteriorating for me.

Oh well, what is done, is done. I need to put my demons away and address those at the right times. You can't force someone to apologize to you if they don't want to so you may as well accept that, no matter how strongly you feel you are owed one. They just won't do it and you will never be able to move forward if you hold out for it. It's better to accept that person for who they are and move on. You don't have to have those people in your life if you don't want to. That may be a little close, but they do take your energy away that you could use doing something more positive.